"...step-by-step", he said...

You know, when I did the Danskin Triathlon, Sally (the Danskin spokesperson) said "The hardest part of the race is not crossing the Finish line, it's getting to the Start line." That quote can be used in so many aspects of life, and this is no exception.

I managed to work myself up into a terrible frenzy on the drive to the Endocrinologist. First, I was worried he'd have something to say about the fact I'm only 10 lbs lighter than the very week I delivered Cassie. Of course being the way that I am, I hate disappointing anyone -- one of the reasons I think Weight Watchers worked for me is that I had to be, or felt, accountable to that person weighing me on the scale each week.

Of course he was concerned about my weight and we talked about the life changes required and the how I impulsively eat when I am emotional and stressed. I explained it's not even like I gorge on a bag of cookies, or pint of ice cream. More often than not, I'm over eating on "healthy" snacks. Having said that though, I'm not pretending that I have never given in to my sweet tooth either, just not as often as one might suspect.

So, back to the appointment... He made me feel really good about having breastfed for as long as I did, as it was good for me and good for Cassie. He laughed when I told him I was hungry all the time and "ate like a wrestler" while doing so. He also commended me on making it a point to come back, and that it showed my commitment to me.

I explained further all the life changes and stress inducers me and my family had been through, and that I felt I really needed some kind of help with weight loss. I think he could tell I was anxious. He simply said, "we'll move step-by-step". "We'll draw blood, run labs, and make sure there are no underlying conditions." My blood pressure was great at 118/72, but not as great as it was back when I was getting in 3 to 4 hard hours of cardio a week. I reminded him of the last conversation where he suggested Meridia and weight loss surgery, and that when he had originally brought up weight loss surgery as an option, I didn't think it was the right thing for me. I explained to him that I've done some research and understand that WLS is not a cure, but rather a life-long tool; I would be open to it now. He immediately said I would be a good candidate for Meridia, Xenecal or gastric banding, but that we could talk about all the options including bypass later. He did imply somewhat that he thought the bypass might be too much for me, but that we would talk about it later.

I go in for a fasting blood draw today. I'll have the labs back in 5 to 10 days. We talked about lifestyle changes, and that's the next step. Over the next couple weeks I will journal and get back to the gym. In other words, I have to prove to him I'm ready to move forward.

Lord knows I am.


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