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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Post Op - Day 6

I'm having a decent day. I feel pretty good -- just wish my allergies would subside! I get my drain out tomorrow -- I'm so happy!

I went to the gym this morning and did my treadmill, a moderate 3.0 mph, with a 3.0 incline for 30 minutes.

The Bariatric Program Coordinator for the hospital asked the online support group what was their "ah-ha" moment was, when they made the decision to have the surgery, so I thought I would answer the question, because it wasn't just one moment. It was a sequence of events that led me here.

I grew up in a family of professional dancers. Mom was a Rockette and in the Metropolitan Ballet, my step dad was on Broadway and is currently a professor of dance. Even my sister is now a reputable dance teacher as an adult. You might see where weight was a constant issue in our home while I was growing up, and I always had challenges with weight.

I spent my life doing things that overweight people wouldn't ordinarily do. I excelled at any of the sports I tried in high school. I also danced on and off for many years. I was actually good, which used to upset my Mom to no end; she used to say I had the "natural ability, but not the body." As an adult I did a triathlon at 242 lbs and was taking tap dance lessons at 30 years old and over 300 lbs.

Beginning in 2002 I went through several different life-changing events: Relocation, new job, new home, engagement, marriage and high-risk pregnancy. I had my Daughter in 2003, and while I did awesome with little weight gain during the pregnancy, I didn't do so good after. I totally forgot about taking care of me, and began eating out of stress and emotion. I was a Gestational Diabetic during my pregnancy, and the Diabetes didn't go away, so my eating was not helping my disease.

I saw my endocrinologist who followed me through my pregnancy and we talked about approaches to weight loss; medications surgical procedures. I was really against them all. I knew I had done it before, but why couldn't I do it again? Then my former PCP made mention of the surgery again. A friend of mine (Melissa Deaver) had had lots of success with surgery, but I still couldn't embrace the idea I needed that kind of help. It was fine for others, and I would support them, just not for me.

Despite trying to ignore them, there were signs all over the place.

It seemed like in the snap of a finger, I found myself becoming physically limited. My knees started to hurt and I found myself saying, when I lose 20 lbs. I'll get back on my bike or when I lose 30 lbs. I take my Rollerblades out of the closet. The summer came, and I wouldn't take my Daughter to the pool -- In short, I was no longer living life, I was avoiding it. To top it all off, I was began treatment for for Diabetes.

The more the scale rose, the more I felt my self-esteem drop, and it was affecting the people I love around me. And of course, the main focus of my life, my Daughter. How on Earth could I keep her from having my issues with food and weight, if I could not learn to be a good role model for her?

Food was a constant source of strife. I don't care if I was counting, points, calories, fat, protein, or deciding what to eat, not to eat, where to eat, or when to eat. It was all just more overwhelming than I knew it was supposed to be. I knew I wanted a healthy relationship with food -- one where food was fuel for my body, and nothing more.

Since no one has time to waste when it comes to living their life to the fullest, I finally woke up and acknowledged the signs and explored WLS as an option. I knew I needed the restriction, the disconnect from food, and the re-training of my thoughts about food. I took my time making my decision, but when I did, that was it. I knew it was the right thing without question.

That's all for today. :)

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