Go Mommy Go!

If you think you're beaten, you are . . .
If you think you dare not, you don't . . .
If you like to win but you think you can't,
It's almost a cinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost.
For out on the world you find
Success begins with a person's faith,
it's all in the state of mind.

For many a race is lost
Before even a step is run;
And many a coward fails
Before ever his work's begun.

Think big and your deeds will grow,
Think small and you'll fall behind;
Believe you can and you will,
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you're outclassed, you are . . .
You've got to think high to rise,
You've got to believe in yourself
Before you can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the strongest or the fastest man,
But soon or late, the one who wins,
Is the one who thinks he can.

5 things I'm thankful for: My FamilyMy Mom and Stepdad have now been happily married for 25 years! My Daughter's hug at the end of the day. That I have some of the best girlfriends a girl could wish for!At least 1 Success from yesterday: Didn't have any carbonated beverages1 Drank MORE than 64 oz. of waterAte my dinner r-e-a-l s-l-o-w (and it was steak!)

On my drive to work this morning I was thinking; imagine that?

I thought back to when I first found the Internet. I think it was by way of AOL chat rooms in 1996. My first screen name was RackEmUp, because I used to shoot 9-ball in an amateur league. I had no idea what the acronyms LOL, ASL, ROFLMAO, etc. meant, nor did I know what an "emoticon" was either -- I just thought it was poor typing! It was like visiting a foreign land. Soon after, I also found the worlds of mIRC and ICQ.

I can remember, upon my introduction to the Internet, stumbling across a chat room on AOL called "Big Beautiful Woman BBW and Admirers." I thought, "Truly there is no way this was real... BBW and ADMIRERS?" For the next 4 years, the acronym BBW changed my life. I finally thought I knew who I was; I took the label. I was a "BBW." A big beautiful woman.

I found an escape from my current life, acceptance by others, as well as a fiance' who actually found fat beautiful.

F…

The moderator of an online support group I participate in, posted this article. I thought it was very interesting, and worth keeping for later reference.

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This article is of particular interest as it addresses the occurrence of trading one addition for another. This is a good HEADS UP! to make you aware that this can sometimes happen after WLS if you are not vigilant about your emotional, mental, and spiritual aftercare.
We must do the head work and heart work to be successful!

'I Drank the Way I Ate'
By Jane SpencerJuly 18, 2006

For much of her life, Patty Worrells was wracked by uncontrollable food cravings. She binged on half-gallon tubs of cookies 'n cream ice cream at 3 a.m. She devoured eight cinnamon rolls at breakfast. Often, she ate in secret. By the time she was in her mid-40s, her weight had soared to 265 pounds on her 5-foot, 4-inch frame, and she was struggling with type II diabetes and arthritis.

Then, four years ago, Ms. Worrells joined t…

"Welcome To Wherever You Are"
Bon Jovi

Maybe we're all different, but we're still the same.
We all got the blood of Eden, running through our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
You're caught between just who you are and who you wanna be
If you feel alone, and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning, is some beginning's end

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are

When everybody's in, and you're left out
And you feel your drowning, in a shadow of a doubt
Everyones a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself, not what other people say
When it seems you're lost, alone and feeling down
Remember everybody's different
Just take a look around

Be who you want to, be who you are
Everyone 's a hero, everyone 's a star

When you wanna give-in, and your hearts about to break
Re…

She walks into the kitchen and sees them sitting there; 2 dozen doughnuts, still warm from the oven, and gooey with glaze. The smell of the bakery bounty relentlessly calls her to indulge. Without thinking she says, “Mmm-mmm”.

But then, hit with a moment of semi-consciousness, she says “Wait, I’ll be good -- just half will do.” She reaches for a knife and slices a piece of hole-less heaven in half.

As she lifts the goodness to her lips, she wakes up.

“What the hell am I doing?!”

She tosses the doughnut into the trash, and proudly leaves the kitchen.

I fought the doughnut and I won!

I know, I know; seems kind of dramatic, doesn’t it? But for the last several weeks I have not been able to keep from mindlessly snacking. To actually have that doughnut to my lips (and yes, it did touch!) and throw it out is a huge deal for me.

I realize it shouldn’t be that way, but it is nonetheless.

Victory really is sweet. ;)

I don't know, it just made me giggle when it it said Dr. K., Psychotherapist on the door to her office. Of course that's what she is, but it tickeled me nonetheless. :)

The session went fine. The doctor immediately dove into my family history. She was probing for substance abuse, of which there is plenty between my Dad and my first husband.

I haven't touched on it here, but my Dad is not my biological father, but he is still "Dad", and not my Step-dad. My Step-dad, is my Mom's current husband of 25 years; if that makes much sense.

The doctctor was relieved to know that my "Dad" (an alcoholic) was not my bio-dad. She feels strongly about genetic pre-dispostion to substance abuse. After I told her about my Dad, she was not surprised to find my first marriage was to an alcoholic. Needless to say, she was happy I left the maariage when I did.

As she delved deeper and deeper into the beautiful mess that is my life, I think her head started to spin as I told …

242 lbs. (lowest attained adult weight)
Danskin Triathlon - Austin, TX
June 2003



Me at 347 lbs.
(note how 1 of me, is the size of my sister & brother-in-law)
September 2000

Cassandra "Cassie" Rose

Today I go for my psych evaluation wth Dr. Kolter. Gosh, I hope she doesn't ask me how to spell psych -- I think I spell it differently every time!

I truly have no idea what to expect. I'm confident that I will be "passed", so to speak, but when you know someone is probing you mentally, it's hard to just relax.

It seems that yesterday I stirred up some conflict on a support group board for my Surgeon's pre-op and post op patients. I was simply trying to point out how the delivery of the requirements for how and what you can eat can differ from professional to professional.

1 surgeon says, "Liquids for 2 weeks..." Another says, "Liquids for 6 weeks. " One surgeon says Protein Powder is okay, while another does not want it becoming a crutch. No one is right or wrong -- it's just that professional opinions differ depending on the specialty of that professional.

For someone who is hesitant on asking questions and doing research, it can become …

I’m sure this entry is going to be all over the place, but I had to get my thoughts written out somehwere.

Today I find myself overwhelmed with emotion and I am not sure exactly why. It could be I am simply having a bad case of PMS, or experiencing a bout with nervousness over the thought of what will happen for me after the surgery.

Actually, it could be both; and it probably is. :)

It’s not the decision to have the surgery mind you – I’m firm with my choice. It’s the aftermath I get so nervous about.

No doubt I am scared. I’m not sure anyone would blame me. I find it ironic that as I write this from the hospital where I will attend my Bariatric Nutrition class today, there is a decorative tiled compass covering the length and width of the lobby’s floor. Pehaps the compass for those who lost their way, and find themselves here to start a journey to better health? That would be me, I thought.

I know I have to let go of the past: forgive, forget, heal and move on. I have to believe that no …

I went for a CPAP treatment on Friday night. I did feel slightly better the next day. When I go back to the doctor he'll prescibe a CPAP machine for me. I really hope it gets me to feeling better.

On a totally unrelated subject Dr. Annette Colby's newsletter was of particular meaning to me this month -- about nurturing Optimistic Determination. I know I am far from the days when I used to nurture that spirit almost daily.

For example, when we were dating my husband and I used to share a list of "thankfuls". We had to find 5 things we were grateful for, despite all the fogginess which seemed to be surrounding us for a while. Of course, as the fog lifted, we stopped sharing the list.

Dr. Cobly suggests starting a gratitude journal; 5 things you are grateful for and 1 or more things of success. It's something I need to put some thought into -- it certainly is not wasted time, as i have felt the success of sharing this gift with myself.

Face it. No one is going to nurtur…

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
~ M. Scott Peck ~