First, thanks for the supportive notes. Especially those who delurked to boost my spirits, I'm so glad you did! I certainly did not mean to sound like a virtual pity-party, but when I dig deep, that's what's there folks. Those are the issues. I have learned to deal with them, but you know how it is with stuff like this... you are almost ALWAYS a work-in-progress.
For the record, I do realize that thin does not necessarily mean you are healthy, but thanks for the reminder, regardless. :) It's good to be reminded from time-to-time.
Understand this too, my goal was never to be "thin" for the sake of being skinny. My goal is to have a healthy hip-to-waist ratio AND in a healthy body fat % range so I can mitigate health risks and live a nice, comfortable, active life. I really don't give a flip about fitting into a size 8 jeans. That said, kudos to those that achieve it... that's fabulous for you!! It's just not my goal. I realistically know that with my build the the BMI "tables" are not in my favor and those weights a probably not attainable, and truly, that's perfectly fine with me. :)
What I do know is, this body, the one I have right now at my current weight, does amazing things! I have the energy to care for myself and my family. I have the strength and ability to accomplish physical challenges that contribute to the quality of my life, as well as my family's life. This body... the one that I fight with daily, is mine and I know I will make total amends with it, accept it wholly and not let it remain the obstacle that keeps me from moving forward in life. It will just take some time to get there.
Something else ironic happened yesterday. After my Honest Scrap I went home and Hubs brought in the mail. The latest copy of Obesity Help's magazine was there. I'm flipping through it and I get to the "Wow Moments" page and what do I see? My freakin' picture (running) and some commentary from right after I completed the Triathlon last Summer! When I read what what I had written, I realized this was not coincidence... this was meant for me to find, today, to read and reflect on at that very moment. I need to keep that feeling of accomplishment with me everyday; that confident feeling that comes with achieving a goal.
I have been honored, and people have kindly credited me with helping to motivate them with fitness. One of my friends, I met through Weight Watchers Online nearly 8 years ago now (WOW!), sent me a "thank you" for changing her life. Courtney does amazing things with her body -- even though she's not where she wants to be weight-wise. Like me, that body she fights with everyday, carries her to new heights. I was more touched than I could explain. I mean, to have someone say, "thanks for changing my life"? Really, what could I say? Because truly, she's the one that made the change... I was just happened to be there looking for someone to do a ride with and she was an easy target. :) Besides, there's been more than one occasion that she's been there for me and listened openly, never judging and always motivating. It's definitely a give and take I am grateful for. And C, if you read this, I am so glad we didn't let things go *hugs*.
I guess my point is we all have to look for that very thing that continues to inspire us to be better to ourselves than we were the day before. It's a repetitive task and the sources are different for everyone... It might mean finding a buddy who continues to be the one who helps gently nudge you along. Or a self-help book that somehow resonates with you and makes you dig deep and examine the root of your food issues. Maybe being there for your family and realizing you are living a quality life does it for you...maybe you want to start a family?!Perhaps some reality based weight loss show makes you believe you just might have enough in you to do it on your own. Perhaps accomplishing measurable goals that show you did more today than you did yesterday, proves helpful. Everyone is driven by something different, but you have to find whatever it is that makes you realize you deserve to feel better than you did the day before.