What was it Buttsy said? Oh yeah... "control" my emotions and "keep it together."
Not so much last night at trackwork. :(
All I had were 2 simple 1 mile repeats at my half-ironman pace (I know I'm not doing a half ironman, but we determined and use that pace for training purposes).
I got to the track, did my warmup and proceeded with the first repeat. My time was 14+. That's 14 minutes for 1 mile. My 1 mile repeats are generally between 12:15 and 12:25. Not fast, but for me, fine.
When I looked at my watch I was like, "WTF?" I was huffing, puffing, breathing like a horse, but I wasn't getting anywhere. I couldn't hit my pace for the life of me. I thought, "the second will be better." Yeah, but by 3 seconds, and still 14+.
Of course my head became filled with negative thoughts.
1) What have I been doing since December? Have I been wasting time for 4 1/2 months?
2) Why am I such a shitty runner?
3) I'm not going to be any faster than I was last year!
4) I'm going to disappoint myself.
5) I'm going to disappoint my family... who sacrificed so much for me to train.
6) I'm going to disappoint my coaches.
7) How can my time be slower than my LSD pace?
Then I started crying. Yeah... not proud of it, but I'm keeping it real. I just don't want to do shitty.
I had been doing well keeping positive, calm and collected, but last night threw me. I really thought that since I was tapering I should start to feel better, feel less tired. Wouldn't you think?
I texted one of my coaches -- her first response was "Yay, youre ready!"
What?!? I'm not sure I buy that. But okay.
She also had a shitty run earlier and couldn't hit her pace. "It happens and don't be surprised if you want to quit triathlon by Friday!"
Great... just something else to look forward to.
We texted back and forth and she explained that your body and mind know what you are setting out to do, an it's telling you, "No way, are you crazy?" She swears (as does "Hombre" my training buddy), "Come race day it will all be different." I have to trust that tapering will do its job." There was more (of everything), but you get the picture. I did pull it together eventually.
This is just the Olympic distance... imagine how I'd be freaking if it were my first half-iron???
3 more days!
I got my wetsuit and it fits great! I have a sneak at least 1 lap at the lake in it to make sure everything is cool. I'm almost certain it will be fine; I can tell by the way it fits.