Reverb10: Future Self

December 21st
Prompt: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead?

5 years from now?  It's so hard for me to look long-term and I really don't know why.  I've heard of folks having their 5 year plan, or their 10 year plan, but I've never really put the practice to work.  I mean, what's the point really?  Maybe I just don't have the patience for it?  I mean, just because you have a plan doesn't mean it will be executed the way you want.  Life has a way of crashing your party, changing your path and sending you off YOUR charted course. When I take time to make a plan and it doesn't go as I hoped, it's frustrating and I often skip a beat having to adapt.  Eventually I do adapt, but it's always a slight annoyance.

I've always thought it best for me to be in tune with what I ultimately want to achieve.  If I stay present, my decisions will present the appropriate path necessary.  If I unconsciously live day-to-day, the decisions I make won't contribute to my overall success.   I won't see the path before me. 

Of course there's the longstanding goals with regard to correctly managing my thyroid/hormonal disorders.  Doing so would bring so much peace to my life... and frankly, to my family as well.

More importantly though, and it is something I need to focus better on, is being present to the life I have and recognizing the blessing it is in it of itself.  Though our Saturday mornings may have changed dramatically from lounging all day on the computer and watching TV, to  getting up before the sun emptying the dishwasher, shifting laundry, making coffee, so I can have that 40 minutes of computer time before my run, I love it.  I really do appreciate my family and enjoy doing for them -- especially since they give so much to me as well.  Okay, I admit, on some days it's easier to get up and get going than others...  and some days you just need a break, but you get my point.

I know in the next 4 years I'd like to get my full Ironman done.  That means getting my pannus removed and making some other tough decisions.  See, by the time Cassie is in 4th grade things will change dramatically, and if there's one thing I promised myself and to her, was that I was going to be an active role in her life.  Not a "helicopter parent" mind you, but a presence.   I want to be able to take her to her activities.  I want to know who her friends are I want to be around to see her bloom into the beautiful caring and compassionate person I know she will become. 

We want her to know she is loved and supported and know that what she does and the things she shows interest and talent in matter to us. In my life I know what it feels like not to be without support when my interests laid outside of my family's chosen interests, so it's important to me for her to learn otherwise.

So for 2011 I want to commit to working on my future self by being present in my life and appreciating the abundance of blessings and love I receive everyday.  I want to become better at both receiving and giving love.  I commit to deal with family baggage so I can move forward and have more space for peace and joy. 

As for my future self, here's some things you really need to learn to believe. 
- Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
- Everything happens for a reason; sometimes it's not immediately or abundantly clear as to why, but down the road you figure it out.
- You are a better person and you often give yourself credit for.
- You are a good friend and deserve the same.
- There's nothing you can't do... some things just might take a little longer.
- Being emotional and "in-touch" is not a fault.
- The only expectations you need to live up to, are your own.
- Don't give away to others power to take away that which makes you confident.
- You are a good Mom; Cassie doesn't have to have the same childhood you did.
- You need to let go of the idea that one day your family will change.  They won't.  They will never change.  Only you can change your reactions to and how you deal with them.
- Don't let their inability to show love inhibit your ability to share joy.

Reverb10 challenges you to “reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.” Join!


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