I know. Your eyes are not deceiving you. It is true. I'm sure this post is going to be random and all over the place..
Been swimming 3 times a week and returned to Crossfit. Not that I'm a die-hard crossfitter -- I really just do it for the strength. I would much rather do fewer movements, technically correct, than be forced by the clock. My box also has a weightlifting team and I've been invited to workout with them, but I feel like such a beginner, a 'poser'. I don't know... Coach T has invited me over the years -- I don't know why I just don't go. She has always said, "I'm gonna make a lifter out of you yet!"
I can handle most challenges and pain, but when it comes to my hands and rebuilding calluses, I can be a damn baby. :) In my opinion, this is the worst part of returning to working out.
This morning was a 1 rep max x 7 on the back squat. I didn't know the coach and she didn't know me. I had no idea where to start, so I had to ask. I mean, I know my 1 rep max was 102 kg, but that was 18 months ago! I stopped lifting for all that crazy Ironman training. When I told the trainer what my 1 rep max was, she was visibly surprised. I said, "No worries, I know the difference between kg and lb" :)
Earlier, as we were practicing hand stand push-ups, I think everyone was surprised I could to the handstand. Not to brag or anything, but it's just kinda funny when people perceptions are different from reality and you read it on their face. It reminds me of how lucky I am to be strong and healthy.
Perceptions are funny. Physically, I know I am not a typical athlete and there are many areas where I am weak, but there are also many I'm very strong. I'll be 48 later this year... almost 50! It's hard to believe, even for me! I never thought close to 50 would feel like this... and I have plenty of low hanging fruit to grab to feel even better!
Oh, and day 4 back on Whole 30. Bring on the headaches!!
As for the personal stuff, I am having good days and bad days. I had so much time to package it up and stick in a box in the back of my mind. I could go weeks without ever recalling what happened to me. Now, it hits me every day, sometimes twice a day. I worry more now for my Mom... she is having such a hard time with guilt, shame, betrayal. Being in the later half of her 60's, this is mental and emotional mortar that just exploded and changed everything she thought she knew about her life.
Do I regret telling her? No, but I do feel badly about the pain. The pain is terrible.
What I don't regret, for one second, is ensuring my Daughter, my Nieces, never have to worry about "him." *exhale*
So I may re-enter counseling... but enough about that.